More Than A Number

The number 45 is on my mind today.

Probably not the favorite number of many but who knows? We see it often enough. We see it on our clocks, telling us we have to wait 15 minutes more. Or we have to arrive within the next 15 minutes to avoid tardiness.

We see it printed in black numbers on the side of the road. Not my favorite sign; I’m more of a 55 or 65 kind of girl.

Today, 45 becomes a meaningful number to me. Everywhere I see that number, I will think of one thing and one thing only:

The 45 years my parents have spent loving each other. The 45 years my mom and dad have spent holding onto our family with everything they have.

It was forty-five May 7ths ago, my parents made a promise in faith and took one of the biggest leaps anyone can take in this lifetime. I may not think of that leap very much from one day to the next. But today I do.

And my soul marvels a bit. And my heart feels kind of heavy and weepy – not in a bad way. Just in the way that the fullness welling up inside might need to escape. These happy tears are a tell-tale sign.

May 7^th is “Anniversary Day” in my family. At least that’s what I’ve called it and how I’ve marked it on my calendar for many, many years. My mom’s parents, dad’s parents and my parents were all married on May 7^th. I like to imagine the overwhelming sign that must have felt like to my young, freshly in-love parents. When they realized their parents shared the same wedding anniversary, I wonder if it kind-of felt like a wink from God: “Go ahead…there’s something special here.”

I know it meant something to them when they chose their wedding date and it’s been a very special day in my family ever since.

There is longevity in my family…Thank you, Lord Jesus.

My Gram and Pap K. (my mom’s parents) were married 69 years when my grandfather passed on. 69 years, folks. My Gram and Pap W. or “Gram and Pap Dub” (my dad’s parents) were a close second with 65 years when my other grandfather passed on. Every year on “Anniversary Day”, along with my parents, I got to thank them. I got to thank them for such an admirable feat; for accomplishing something that about half of the rest of us can’t. I got to thank them for hanging in there and doing what probably felt impossible during certain moments of certain seasons and even took a bit of fortitude on some of the “normal days”. I got to thank them for leaving a legacy like that and giving me the joy of a family held together.

By the way, that’s a combined 179 years of devotion that all began on different May 7ths but adds up to one thing and one thing alone: A whole lot of love. The fierce love of family. The fierce love of God.

179 years…and counting.  Again…thank you, Lord.

Marriage is a gift from God like no other; at the very top of God’s earthly blessings and right beside “family”. Marriage makes family. And family means more than anything else this earth can offer. The very word overwhelms my heart.

But I give respect where it’s due. Even though I’ve not been married myself, I see it’s not always smooth-sailing and I’m aware it’s not always easy to love when love doesn’t come so easy. Why? Because I am human. We are all human. We can’t love perfectly.

But we try.

The very things that make family a challenge from time to time are the same things that make it the uniquely beautiful treasure it is. We see each other through the worst. But we also see each other through the very best.

I don’t know how it comes to be that some receive such treasures…and others don’t. That some would be blessed with parents and grandparents who teach them love and make them feel safe. That, even in the toughest times, one can hold on to the example of strength they set and feel it upholding them in the midst of their own trials. That family would remain familiar. That love doesn’t have to leave.

And I don’t know how it is that sometimes, even when we’re wrapped warmly within that blessing, we sometimes forget how awesome it is. Sometimes, we need a certain day and a certain number to be flooded with a fresh perspective.

To my Mom and Dad:

I wish I knew how to thank you. I don’t think there are words enough to express what I hold in my heart.

But I can say this…

I know many who don’t know what I know. My heart breaks for them. I wish they did.

I wish they knew what it was like to know love like I know love. To know your family is secure because your family will fight for each other and fight to hold on to what’s important.

This is your doing. I mean Jay and I turned out pretty good (wink wink) but we had two great examples leading the way. We learned the importance of family from you; from the sacrifices you made and the way you came in even closer when things got tough.

I don’t take what you’ve given for granted and I know my life would look very, very different without the love you’ve constantly poured into it. There’s little I could do to repay you but I know you’re not looking for that. Just know if I could, I’d give back every bit of love you’ve ever given me…and then some.

I love you with all my heart.

Happy 45^th Anniversary. I thank you this day means so much…

because you still stand side by side.