It’s funny to me when this happens. Has this ever happened to you?…
Have you ever been reading a familiar passage in the Bible, one you’ve read maybe dozens of times before, but on a particular day during a particular reading, the passage strikes you as deeply odd or off-putting? Like all of a sudden, words you’ve known for what seems like a lifetime shift from black and white to full on blurred?? Do the words suddenly feel so out of character with the God you’ve come to know that you end up feeling confused and maybe even a little sweaty??? Hello, hot flash!
This recently happened to me. This is Word-induced anxiety. It’s as ridiculous as it sounds.
Honestly, I’ve dealt with anxiety in the Word probably more times than I’d care to admit. Unsuspectingly smacking up against teachings that seem uncharacteristic of Someone who is supposed to be good can make you feel like your bedrock is shifting. I’m not being dramatic here and if you’ve experienced it, you know what I mean. I don’t question His love anymore but in the days when I did, these uncomfortable moments would send me into a bit of a panic. It was worse than just a little anxiety. I would try to regain my footing while re-examining all the reasons I have to fully trust this God who doesn’t always make sense to me but, if I’m being honest, I didn’t always handle that with the grace I would have liked to have displayed. I was building my entire life on the Word so when it would begin to feel flimsy, I couldn’t help but think I’d somehow stumbled into the world’s biggest ruse called “Christianity”.
This panic is unnecessary and totally unhelpful but hey, aren’t we all works in progress here?? I’ve grown since then.
The longer we live, the wiser God helps us to be – one degree of glory to another (2 Corinthians 3:18)… thank You, Jesus! I’ve learned that the Word is supposed to shake us up at times. Though this may cause us some anxiety (even for just a second), it doesn’t have to. Our bedrock hasn’t really shifted and it never will. The “shaking up” is just an opportunity to go deeper, receive the once-hidden treasure, and look a little more like Jesus on the other side.
Why does Word-anxiety happen? Well, as you spend time in the Word, it is a certainty that your intellect or your heart (or both) will occasionally rub up against the teachings of God. As already mentioned, stories or wordings that seem contradictory to the God who calls Himself Love tend to be the most off-putting. But when you wander into this holy and momentarily uncomfortable space, you’re in good company. Many have been there prior. Their pursuits to go deeper inspire us to do the same and prove that God IS entirely good and IS entirely love. If you want to know that truth to your core, you too are going to have to make your way through some uncomfortable moments where you need to rely on Him to teach you what love really is. Human-love provides little frame of reference because only God’s love is perfect.
My recent Word-anxiety came during a re-reading of the Creation Story. Here in Genesis 2, we read the account of how Eve came to be. It’s a strange account, I must admit – especially when you don’t just skim through thinking, I’ve heard this story a thousand times.
Genesis 2:15-20…
The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden – except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”
[Before I proceed, let me just take a second to point out that Eve wasn’t there for those initial instructions. When she quoted them later, she quoted them incorrectly thus proving some confusion had settled in at some point. The enemy chose, as he does, to capitalize on that but that’s a story for another time.]
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.”
So, prior to the creation of woman, we find God making the proclamation, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God then proceeds to parade many different animals in front of Adam while giving him the task of naming each one. I imagine they had a lovely time! Who knows how long this took but at the conclusion of this blessed event, it seems God then figures out that the animals are not the best companions for Adam. Hmmmmmm.
Why, after years of reading through Genesis, did this all of the sudden seem like the strangest thing in the world to me?
My internal dialogue must have resembled something like this:
What???
First off, God is just NOW recognizing that it might be nice to give Adam some company? And secondly, He’s thinking the animals will do until He realizes they don’t?? And so THEN He decides to make a woman???
Huh??
Could this make God sound any more scatter-brained? Or unprepared?? Or surprised??? All of which I was sure He could not be!
Now this particular pause in the Word wasn’t nearly as sweat-worthy for me as, let’s say, the biblical accounts of human genocide. These require their own time and persistence because these are the accounts that make us stagger like no other. But even-so, this particular reading DID cause me to spend a few moments wondering if my entire gender was an afterthought. What??
My somewhat anxious heart began to examine what I knew:
God created male and female to reflect His very self: Genesis 1:27 – So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. (emphasis mine)
God knows the end from the beginning: Revelation 22:13 – I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Isaiah 46:10 – I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’
So, if these things are true, God couldn’t be taken off guard that not one of those animals He created, as lovely and pleasing as they were, could provide a suitable partner for Man.
I popped onto the internet to see if anyone else was bewildered by the strangeness of this account and low and behold: MANY were. Many wondered at the way this account was laid out and questioned the very thing I found myself questioning: did God create Woman because He had no other choice? Nothing else would do?
No satisfying answer was found – at least not in the time I allotted for digging. So I did what I’ve learned to do: I quieted my heart for a second and went right to the Source:
God, I know this can’t be what it looks like but apparently others are just as confused as I am when it comes to this painful question of whether or not Woman was an afterthought. Lord, am I an afterthought? Is what so many have said about women true? Are we less than? Did You create us just because You really didn’t have another suitable option?
I’m not going to panic, I’ll just wait for you to respond.
Shortly after I voiced my concern, it was time for bed. I was tired from my day and ready to sleep. And I was hoping He’d begin speaking to my heart as I closed my eyes and listened for His voice. Speaking, He did. And the reassurance came almost immediately. And when I woke up the next morning to double check the wording of His response with the wording of His Word, I was delighted to find that the response He lovingly placed in my heart resonated beautifully with the biblical account.
Now you probably have to dig through this yourself (and you’re more than welcome to do so) but here’s what He told me…
The reason He made such a “production” of the creation of female is because He was driving home a very important point. (This isn’t unlike Him at all as we can find many other instances in the Bible where He concealed something of great value UNTIL He was ready to reveal it.)
God spoke to my heart and said this:
At the creation of Eve, God was revealing to Adam the worth and importance of His female partner. By allowing Adam to see something he needed to see for himself, God was gently instilling upon Man’s heart an impression that couldn’t easily be forgotten. As He was gifting Adam the goodness of His creation by bringing all of these stunning animals to his side, He was simultaneously making Adam wait for the piece de resistance…so to speak. God wanted Adam to see just how suitable Eve was in the very moment He gifted her to him. And in that glorious moment, Adam actually exclaimed, “At last! This one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh!” How beautiful, by the way, that God took a piece of Adam’s actual side to create Eve (see Genesis 2:21-23). God was showing Adam that Eve would always be part of him. Honestly, the beauty of it makes me want to cry – especially when I think of my own “Adam”, Jennings Lee Cross. I am a part of him. He is a part of me. We were created to help each other and love each other and be “suitable” partners for one another. God’s gifts are so beautifully given that when we truly take time to consider them, we’re astounded by the love behind them.
God wanted Adam to see, really see, the beauty of the gift He was giving.
Proverbs 18:22…
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
Another version says…
When a man finds a wife, he has found a treasure! For she is the gift of God to bring him joy and pleasure.
Sisters, I don’t know where you are in your walk but man, wouldn’t we love for our men to love and value us like this? Whether that be our husbands or dads or brothers or brothers in Christ?? But if they don’t, it doesn’t change the FACT that God made a BIG DEAL out of us and He has seen and will ALWAYS see our worth. He will never see us as anything less than the startlingly beautiful creation He formed with His own tender and careful craftsmanship. Leaning into HIS love is what makes the rest of our stories fall into place and even when that takes time, He will be the one who NEVER stops loving us along the way. He will be the Helpmate of ALL helpmates and we will not lack.
Oh what wondrous love is this?
You can stake your life on the character of God. You can! You may come across something in the Word that causes you to reel for a second or two but make no mistake, God is who He says He is. You may have to dig a little to see what He wants you to see but the digging is glorious…and can be so much fun!! I have a friend who quite often says, “don’t let the thing you don’t yet understand complicate the things you do”. That’s good good wisdom. And an important truth on which to firmly plant our feet at ALL times is this:
God is love.
I didn’t get married until I was almost 40. I know, feel free to gasp. But I wanted a godly man and I know I wouldn’t do marriage well without. My Adam doesn’t always PERFECTLY see the value of his Eve. But I don’t always perfectly see the value of him so who’s casting stones here? We are both works in progress and are grateful we get to grow together.
Whether you, my friend, have married a good earthly man or not, God won’t leave you to navigate that or anything without Him. His love is astounding and wonderfully unsettling at times and truly MORE than enough. Learning this early on and learning it deeply will save you a lifetime of pain:
God is ALWAYS enough.
So the next time you feel like throwing your Bible across the room because everything you’ve built your life upon suddenly feels like it’s held together with Scotch Tape, stop for a second and remind yourself of Christianity 101: God loves you, the Bible tells you so. And then study and ask questions and don’t be afraid to be direct. He invites that! Posture yourself as a willing student. Because God is there, in that moment of uncertainty, and He cannot WAIT to reveal His heart to you.