A Woman’s Heart

I have been encouraged many times to keep being real in my writing. I sometimes worry I divulge too much but I also find it comforting to know that people appreciate my honesty and find my life stories rather interesting. My dear friend was praying for me yesterday while we were together at a beautiful park. The fall leaves were perfect. The weather was perfect. My dear friend’s words were perfect.

She thanked God for seeing me through “the fiery trials of my life that led me to be a great writer”. Those words meant so much to me.

I suppose if it’s our trials that help us grow the most and therefore make us ready to help someone else in their own, then they really are worth it. I know there were times, in the thick of my own, I took comfort in that. I love to help others find God’s love in the midst of pain and I certainly am thankful for the ones who have done that for me.

So, at the risk of maybe being a little too open, I’ll try and share what’s currently on my heart.

I have some self-esteem issues I am working on. I think every woman does. In fact, I think every person does. This is part of life. We share this life with other people and therefore, we are often measured against them. It’s just human nature. But it can sometimes make us feel like we’re not enough…or too much.

I really think this is a prominent problem for women. It isn’t hard to see the constant bombardment of pictures and information in our society telling women what they should look like and who they should be. Try as we might, we can’t always shut that out.

The last man I dated told me I had the prettiest face of all the girls he’d dated. And the best heart.

I know it sounds like I should be swooning but wait for it…

He also told me my body was not his “type” and not the kind he’d normally date. He was letting me know he had a problem with the extra weight I carry and he wasn’t really subtle about it. Additionally, he said something like, “I may be short but there’s nothing I can do about that. You can certainly do something about your weight.”

Ouch.

I stayed with him for quite a while after that – even though I saw my worth greatly diminished through his eyes.

Now, I do want to be clear here that I’m not really happy about my weight either. I know no woman that is. Even though I am assured I am not anything near the vision that ex-boyfriend had placed in my head, my extra pounds have still been a struggle for me. Someday, I could share with you the myriad of health problems and surgeries that have certainly contributed but I also believe it’s been a problem because I’ve had trouble believing it doesn’t have to be. When you have trouble seeing your life outside the grip of something, you most definitely have trouble remedying it.

Lately, I refuse to look at it that way because I believe where my strength falls short, Christ’s is more than capable. So I keep fighting the good fight, and I am making good progress. But I’ll be honest, it is so much easier to fight that fight when others are standing beside me in the same belief. This is why I am choosing to listen to those that do.

I have many people in my life who love me for who I am. They speak such kind words of encouragement to me all the time. I am beyond grateful. I’ve decided I need to listen harder to them and less to those who would assume they understand me and my struggle even though they’ve never come close to living it with me. My dear encouragers have lived it with me…and their words deserve to be heard. They see a strength in me that I often forget is there. But when they speak it to life, my actions follow.

I would encourage you to listen to your encouragers, as well.

I have a friend right now who has been an outstanding teacher her whole life but because she is currently dealing with a nonresponsive and unenthusiastic class, she thinks she has slipped in her skills and isn’t capable to teach well anymore. I have a friend who, while her mom is away for an extended period, is doing a great job taking care of her parents’ household and her dad. Yet, she feels she’ll never come anywhere close to filling her mom’s shoes. I have a sweet mama who, despite giving the best kind of nurturing and love for as long as I’ve been privileged to be her daughter, still struggles with believing she’s always doing enough for her family.

Like me, these precious women beat themselves up. We tend to do that.

But when LIFE is spoken into us, we come alive. When an encourager steps in to tell us what they see in us that we can’t see in ourselves, we are ready to take on the world again.

Friends, I think everyone needs this (whether woman or man) but I speak of what I know. And I know there is something deep in a woman’s heart that needs words of love almost as much as our lungs need air. Therefore, I’d like to thank all of you wonderful encouragers out there – you have no idea what you’re now making possible through hearts that were maybe a little too close to giving up.

And to my dear friends who, like me, are trying to be the best possible versions of themselves:

you are loved right where you are. Your God will never tell you otherwise. If that’s not the very best encouragement of all, I don’t know what is.