The Fool Says In His Heart…

I was talking to my sweet hubby this evening about a realization I had made earlier in the day, after he had left for work. This was something that had never really occurred to me before even though it was prompted by an experience I’ve had time and time again.

When I went to talk with the Lord this morning, I initially felt foolish.

This wasn’t the first time.

Have you ever felt this way? Like, when you go to share in some time with Him and begin a conversation with Him, you feel you’re maybe talking to the wall? Or the ceiling? Or the sky? Or your cat?

C’mon now, I know that’s not just me.

I was telling Jennings how strange it is to me: how it had been less than 24 hours since I had last prayed a prayer or shared in a conversation with Him (probably significantly less considering I had prayed some prayers before bed) and yet trying to open my mouth this morning and speak with Him felt foreign. Odd even.

I felt foolish.

Thoughts flooded my heart like maybe I had somehow made this whole thing up; this whole God-thing – in a desperate attempt to be more hopeful about a life that can sometimes feel rather scary and hopeless.

Now, this is someone who has shared countless intimate, life-changing, move-me-to-my-toes kinds of conversations with the Lord over the course of my years. I know He is real. Somewhere in the depths of a place too sacred to even comprehend at times, I have an unshakable faith. And it has completely and totally changed my life. It is the pearl of great price I would sell all I have to maintain.

But it just goes to show in the course of 24 hours (or far less even), how much of the world can get into us; so much so that we feel we have to reacclimate to communing with the very Creator of our souls. The world feels natural. The supernatural does not. And the ruler of this world, Satan himself, wants us to believe that anything even remotely God-centered is foolish. Therefore, opening our mouths in a seemingly empty bedroom to talk with God feels, even if just for a second, like a lie. When in reality, the One already listening is eager for us to enter into that blessed and beautiful moment of connection with Him.

Isn’t that just like the enemy? To whisper those lies. To spur the distance he knows would be our ultimate downfall. I think he does that all the more when he knows we’re moving into provinces of richer faith.

The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” (Psalm 14:1)

Now I certainly don’t say, “there is no God” but I know that when too much time passes before I share in my blood-bought right to convene with my Father God, it all of the sudden feels far less natural than it should. Sometimes, it doesn’t take much time at all between my last and current prayer for that same strange feeling to resurface.

But I know why:

I’m not home yet.

So I’m going to have to push through a little harder at times. Because the enemy (the “ruler of this world”) wants me to feel like a fool when I share a moment with my unseen Creator.  I already know when I do push through, as I have so many times before, I’ll enter into that moment of great joy.  I’ll feel His presence effervesce from that holy place, pouring His love and peace into the space that surrounds me.  It usually only takes a minute or two…

and then I feel like I’m home again.

And the reward of squelching the voices of fools and leaning into the Word of God reminds me that sometimes, the very best things in this life take a little more effort than we feel they should but have a profound effect on our lives and hearts.

I hope that encourages you today. When you sometimes feel like this faith-thing should be easier, you are assuredly not alone. The Lover of your soul will remind you of that anytime you need Him to…

even if it takes a minute or two to know it once again in your heart.